Ho ho ho, interested buyer!

Are you looking for a reasonably priced Christmas gift for a loved one? Maybe you’re considering giving yourself a present!? Look no further than this suite of six stunning works by CPC and JM.

Painted in the hard-edge style, crafted from locally sourced margarine (REGULAR SPREAD), dirt, and polystyrene – these works exude symmetry in bucketloads.

If you find yourself overwhelmed with domestic duties – soiled nappy in bin, oven residue removal, grout – and wonder why you are involved, then THIS IS the exhibition for you.

A beautiful addition to lounge and/or bedroom. The solemn yellow and brown geometries of these magisterial genre works are guaranteed to bring order and regimentation to your home.

… Looking to blow some of your income or savings? If answer is YES, enquire within.

THIS IS: REGULAR SPREAD. DIRT mixed with PVA, WELDBOND, water.

To employ:

Large board. In this case polystyrene, measurements of 1800×1200mm.

DIRT: of own, public, anywhere. Dark in colour, void of any natural droppings.

REGULAR SPREAD, or any agent beneath – that is – REGULAR SPREAD.

ALL BENEATH MARGARINE WILL BE PRESENT & MUST be AVAILABLE. IF one RESIDES inner city/postcode NOT TRADING in R.S. and below, one must travel – or simply NOT involve self.

To know:

R.S: This product – regular spread – is an inferior margarine. Screaming from three tiers below.

Abandoned? Never. Used – regularly. Ready to REGULATE experience.

DIRT will be SIFTED to create flour-like consistency, then combined with PVA, WELDBOND, water. Stir as if stew. HEAVY SLUDGE will ensue.

This DIRT mixture will be lathered on chosen bateau, tape used to divide hand and brush application. RS: own, DIRT mixture: brush.

Finished application will boast ACTIVE and DORMANT wedlock. Mount flat on wall and fabricate R.S. addition last – in 20 degrees celsius or below. Chosen hanging time is on you.

*Please note this is not an EXERCISE in CHANGE.

Lastly: Blinds will be DRAWN and/or no windows PRESENT.

het het (het)

cream pot charlie vs john mccrackpipe

12–19.12.21

DISCLAIMER: If these works are not stored upright in a refrigerated environment, dear buyer, the margarine will liquify, ruining not only the artwork but the surrounding architecture. Don’t worry though, this work is paired with a certificate of authenticity that allows you, proud owner, to replicate the original work whenever required. Measurements, materials, and instructions supplied on receipt of payment.